THOUSANDS of workers who died building a bunch of temporary stadiums to host a global football tournament in a desert are glad it’s become extremely entertaining and memorable.
Fears that mass deaths, bribery and state-sanctioned homophobia would overshadow the quadrennial football tournament have proven unfounded after the tremendously exciting and unpredictable action on the pitch made everyone forget how fucking awful the whole thing is.
In one recent match, a team beat another team unexpectedly by scoring a late goal that meant another team that was playing a different match simultaneously would get eliminated unless they too could score a goal, which they failed to do, so that was exciting.
“I am happy for you,” said one dead worker who had left his family to move to the desert and effectively become a slave for six years before being killed thanks to non-existent safety standards.
“Just imagine if, after everything that has happened here in this godforsaken place, the football had been shit. No-one would have been able to stop talking about me and all my dead friends who got worked to death so that the rich government of a corrupt, authoritarian hell state could make themselves look a little less evil.
“But the football has been bloody great, so that’s a big relief. I am glad you have been able to talk about all the great football instead of all the horrifying death.”
Another dead worker added: “Honestly, the mood here six feet under the sand has been pretty bleak the past few years, but now we’re all huddled round this one telly, absolutely glued to the action like the rest of you.
“It’s just a shame we’ll never see our families again.”
Many football fans have chosen not to go to the world cup because they want to pretend they care but others have gone anyway because they’re not ashamed of loving football more than freedom.
“What human rights abuses?” asked one fan after watching another unbelievable game of end-to-end football action and before being reminded of all the bad stuff. “No, no, this is not right. You are wrong because the goals were so beautiful, so wonderful.
“You say something bad happened but the last thing I remember is the ref blowing the whistle. I am hypnotised by football.
“Long live football!”