A FREAK with ridiculously fat fingers has taken over his family’s long-running tax-dodging business.

The sausage-digited man waited 70 years for his old ma to finally cop it so he could inherit the keys to the hugely-successful family firm that specialises in hostile takeovers, illegal occupations, violence, racism, paedophilia and paying fuck all in tax.

The newly-inaugurated head of the sprawling family of freaks murmured: “Golly, what a privilege it is to lead this historic family business, so revered all over the world we spent centuries pillaging and colonising for personal profit.

“It will be my solemn duty to build on the legacy of my forebears by continuing to sit on a massive pile of stolen wealth without paying a penny of tax on it.

“They don’t put one’s name on those pennies just for fun.”

To help celebrate the takeover, the fat-fingered fraudster summoned his brainwashed worker ants to bow down and suck his cock, which they duly did, and they enjoyed it.

Any non-brainwashed worker ants refusing to suck the coronation cock have been rounded up by the police and have not been seen or heard from since.