World leaders agree to destroy world

A DEAL to destroy the world has been agreed at a global summit after two weeks of intense negotiations.

The landmark pact is the first agreement signed by all world governments to fully commit to destroying the planet.

Negotiations had been intense and ran into overtime but the eventual outcome is now being hailed as a “defining moment” which will “radically change the way we all die”.

A person in charge of destruction said: “This moment will change the world for good.

“It has been a long road to reach this point but I’m immensely grateful to all states for their pledge to make this planet a more unfriendly, dangerous, and inhospitable place to live.

“Looking at you all now, I can see the significance of this moment. No longer will we wonder if the world has the will to destroy itself. Without a doubt, we know that it does, and that it will.

“Thank you for making this happen. Thank you for being part of this moment in history.

“Let the destruction commence.”

All governments have agreed to contribute to world destruction, and their progress will be reviewed at regular intervals to ensure their goals have been met.

There had been fears that various pressure groups and planetarians, who hoped life could continue to exist, would force governments to compromise.

But the deal agreed has been unequivocal in its ambition for complete and utter world destruction.

“Species will go extinct so fast you won’t have time to put them in a museum,” continued the destruction leader.

“We’re talking complete annihilation here. Nothing will be left alive once we’re finished with this bad boy.

“Death is the way forward. Death is the future.”

Despite the triumphant tone from world leaders, the deal has still been criticised for its failure to specify exactly when the world might be destroyed.

“I was hoping to see something which clearly and concisely explained how fast and how painful my death might be,” a destruction activist complained.

“Will I die tomorrow, or the day after? Without any specifics it will be very difficult to prepare for the end of the world.”