Uninvited guests refuse to leave party

GUESTS who crashed a party and poisoned everyone have refused to leave.

What had started as a pretty banging night rapidly descended into mayhem when the uninvited guests arrived a few hours ago, bringing with them what seemed at first to be a fairly impressive stash of psychoactive substances.

The party hosts, surprised yet intrigued by the sudden arrivals, allowed them to stay long enough to sample their imported haul of hallucinogens.

But after several revelers overdosed and it became clear the drugs were whack, the uninvited guests were shown the door.

One of the party’s hosts said: “We were having a great time to start with but the party was beginning to flag when these gatecrashers turned up and plied us all with hard, mind-altering drugs.

“For a while it was tempting to think the drugs would help take this party to the next level, but then everyone started projectile vomiting and I noticed there was a body floating in the pool.

“We decided to show these impostors the door. But instead of leaving they all went upstairs and locked themselves in the bathroom.”

Many of the original guests fled the party around the time it descended into drug-fuelled chaos, but have now been tempted to return after the hosts regained control of the soundsystem in the living room.

All that’s left to do is to oust the unpopular squatters and their dodgy stash.

One returning partygoer said: “After I left I tried to find other parties to party at, and I did find this small one that I really liked. In many ways it was a lot better – they had homemade beer and some people were playing acoustic guitar around a campfire.

“Then I realised that small parties are just a bit, well, you know. They’re a bit small aren’t they? As soon as I heard the bigger party was blasting out some tunes again, I just had to come back.”

Yet the uninvited guests have stubbornly remained. Ten minutes ago, one poked his head round the bathroom door, only to quickly slam it shut again. Whispers can be heard but nothing more has been seen of them.

As the party deadlock continues, rumours have begun to swirl about where the drug-peddling invaders came from. Some have speculated that they spilled over from a rival, posher party.

“There’s two big parties in town, but the other one is super exclusive,” a merrymaker speculated.

“I heard they’ve got a hot tub and a team of waiters dishing out canapés. It’s super classy.

“You’d only get invited to parties like that if you went to the same school as the host, or if your dad knows their dad, stuff like that.

“I reckon a few of ’em decided to gatecrash our party just to see if they could get away with it.

“They’ve come over here, poisoned everyone, put on some really shit house music, and ‘accidentally’ shot dead the neighbour’s cat.

“And they won’t leave. They just won’t fucking leave.”