Small man starts war

ANOTHER tiny, miniscule man has started a war against regularly-sized people.

The small dicktator ordered thousands of troops to invade a neighbouring country because he can’t handle being so fucking small and inferior to literally everyone else.

He is just the latest in a long line of small men to launch wars against bigger people, which over the years have cost millions of lives, and yet still at the end of it all they can never escape feeling weak, lightweight and insignificant.

“You are all taller than me and won’t do what I want, and therefore you must die,” the small dicktator snarled.

“I will send some of my own bigger people to kill you on my behalf, because if I tried to touch you I would evaporate like a puddle on a hot day.

“I hope you are all afraid now – just like I am afraid to try and reach the top shelf.”

In response to yet another war being started by yet another short-arsed little prick, a spokesperson for small men apologised and issued a statement.

He said: “Look, we all have our issues, but most of us deal with them in normal ways like starting fights in pubs, not by starting wars.

“On behalf of all small men all over the world I want to say that we are truly sorry. I want to reassure you that most small men are good, honest, if sometimes tetchy citizens prone to erratic outbursts, and that we are absolutely ashamed to be associated with this tiny, tiny dicktactor.

“He might be similarly diminutive, but I promise you, he does not represent us.”

At press time, the small dicktator could not be seen because no-one could find a microscope.