Shareholder rewarded for possessing money

A SHAREHOLDER has been rewarded for possessing money by being given more money.

It comes after a company in which the shareholder holds shares made a big profit thanks to the work of its employees.

“Possessing money is a lot more difficult than people think,” said the shareholder after being given money for possessing money.

“I spent a whole year skillfully owning shares in a company, and then that company made a big profit. Why shouldn’t I be fairly compensated for my role in the firm’s success?

“Some people think being a shareholder is easy, but they have no idea how much time I spend watching numbers go up and down.

“Occasionally I’ll attend a meeting and demand the company’s staff work harder to generate bigger profits so that I can receive even more money.

“It’s tough.”

The shareholder is now considering what to do with the additional money they possess, and is planning to spend a good five minutes weighing up various options.

“I could go on a nice holiday, maybe convert an attic on one of my houses, or even buy my daughter a car for her birthday. But who am I kidding? I’m obviously going to buy more shares.

“Possessing money is way more fun than spending it.”

At press time, reports suggested that the board of the company in which the shareholder holds shares had voted to deny its staff a pay rise.