Rattlesnake tastes fear, irrationality

A RATTLESNAKE has picked up a strong whiff of fear, mixed with a heady scent of irrationality.

The carnivorous reptile’s senses have been greatly aroused in recent months as the vomeronasal organ in its mouth analyses the increasingly potent mix of airborne particles collected by its forked tongue.

“Ssssmellsss a bit like fear, I’d sssay,” the western diamondback interpreted. “Oh yesss, and there’sss irrationality there asss well, oh yesss.”

“One wondersss what ssspecial ssset of sssircumssstancesss mussst have arousssed sssuch a ssstrong emotional resssponsssee in ssso many people. One alssso wondersss how long thisss ssscenario may lassst.

“For now, oh yesss, I find it totally intoxxxicating.”

The ecothermic serpent says it intends to continue monitoring the situation, before choosing the perfect moment to pounce.

“For now, one mussst wait and sssee what elssse may transsspire from thisss ongoing, volatile sssituation. Patience issss alwaysss a virtue.

“Whatever isss fuelling the fear that I am tasssting in sssuch great quantitiesss, it isss being stoked by sssome kind of powerful exxxternal force, and exxxassserbated by an innate irrationality, a ssstate of mind exxxposssed and preyed upon by those who wield the inssstrumentsss of power.”

The venomous vertebrate refused to comment further on when it would strike, but promised that we would perish.

“I care not for fear, nor irrationality. I exissst only to kill. And kill I ssshall.

“Oh yesss.”