Protesters not perfect

PEOPLE who have been protesting for a worthy cause are not flawless human beings, it has been revealed.

Research shows that the demonstrators have committed “heinous acts” such as not having jobs, exhaling carbon dioxide, and being born to a mother who entered a singing competition.

Critics say that the flaws they have revealed prove the protesters’ cause is itself not worthy and should be ignored.

“These dirty jobless eco-fascists say they want to prevent a mass extinction event but how are they going to do that if they can’t even shave their armpits?” queried one protest critic.

“I heard they’re all university drop-outs who want to stop other people going to work because they’re jealous.

“And that they want us all to live in caves and eat grass despite the fact I saw one of them wearing nice trainers.”

The protests against global environmental catastrophe have been going on for weeks, leading a few people to be annoyed.

One person made late to an appointment by the demonstration asked: “I can’t believe how selfish these people are, only thinking of their own interests and not considering how ‘saving the planet’ might impact honest, hard-working massage therapists like me.

“What difference will this protest make anyway? The fact the planet is burning has nothing whatsoever to do with this former colonial superpower that began the industrial revolution.

“No, it’s not us, it’s that huge big country where we import all our stuff from – it’s their fault.”

In a statement, a spokesperson for the protest apologised for breathing and admitted that perfection was sadly unobtainable, but vowed to continue the demonstration.

“Sorry for the inconvenience,” they stated. “It’s just that we’ve been running street stalls for the last 25 years and no-one did anything.”