Police ‘sorry’ for not killing people equally

POLICE officers who killed a black man have apologised for not being equally murderous towards other racial groups.

The cops admit they were wrong to not also kill white people and have vowed to “do better” by positively targeting them in future.

Many officers have already begun brutalising ethnic majorities in response to criticism that they only ever violently attacked black people.

“We completely accept the criticism that we have received from some quarters after we were filmed murdering a black person,” read a police force statement.

“It is right that we use this moment to reflect on our own values and beliefs and we know that we must do better when it comes to equality and diversity in the workplace.

“This is why we are now instructing our officers to hunt down and kill people of all races and backgrounds.”

Anti-racism demonstrators have called for police forces to be “defunded” but in response officers have warned that this will leave them without enough weaponry to wipe out a crowd of protesters in under ten seconds.

Police chiefs argue that maintaining access to a broad range of heavy artillery is crucial for maintaining peace in a civilised country.

Said one top cop: “To move forward as a nation, to heal the wounds of our troubled history and to create a fair and just society for all, it is absolutely vital that you give us enough money to buy grenade launchers and tanks.

“How do you expect us to keep the peace if we have no means by which to start a war?”