People make way for cash

A HUGE bloody great tower will be built to help solve society’s cash storage crisis.

The ultra-modern monolith promises to provide thousands of much-needed safe deposit boxes for the growing number of homeless bank notes that have nowhere else to go.

Existing buildings, which currently store people but are fairly useless at storing cash, will be knocked down to make way for the huge tower.

“This is just what the area needs,” a developer vomited. “People are easy to move, and bank notes need somewhere safe to stay for the long-term.

“The tower will be tall, sleek, shiny, and obscenely expensive. The homes it replaces are old and stinky. Honestly, they smell pretty bad.

“Our aim is to attract foreign cash, not foreign people. And this redevelopment does the job perfectly.”

The growing cash storage crisis has had government officials worried for some time, but the tower will go a long way to solving the problem.

A suit said: “We’d considered other options, such as using the excess bank notes to fuel a new cash-fired power station, or blasting them into orbit, but this was by far the best proposal put forward.

“Not only will building the huge tower provide a safe, clean environment for this cash to multiply, but in doing so we will rid the local area of unwanted people whose fiscal growth prospects are extremely poor.”

The huge tower received approximately 100 percent support in a public consultation conducted by the developers in a nearby investment bank.

But despite the jubilation at replacing people with cash, laws state that all new cash-storage buildings must provide a silver lining for displaced residents.

The developer promised there would be one. “We have told them there is a spare bed on offer in the tower’s basement,” they explained.

“All they have to do to win it is successfully defeat all the other displaced residents in a fight to the death.”

The developer also confirmed that the huge tower would generate 750,000 permanent jobs in the PR industry.