Peach ripening nicely

A PEACH will be ready to eat soon.

The tasty fruit has been growing steadily over the past couple of months and now appears to be approaching optimum ripeness.

Peach enthusiasts are keeping a close eye on the situation and are preparing for the perfect moment to pick the peach and devour it like hungry dogs pouncing on a leftover sausage.

“A week ago we weren’t sure when this peach would be ready,” said one peach-watcher. “But it’s suddenly swelled and gained a lot of colour.

“I’d say it’s only a matter of time now before we eat this juicy bastard. And trust me, it’s gonna taste goooooooooooooood.”

Sources suggest the peach has benefited from fertile narcissism, regular doses of heavy incompetence, and consistent exposure to treachery.

One admitted: “These must be the best damn conditions for growing peaches I’ve ever seen.

“Sometimes peaches threaten to ripen but never quite make it. This one, on the other hand, is nailed on to be the tastiest motherfucker in the history of fruit.”