A MOTORIST has defended his right to kill you and your family in a variety of ways.

He claims that driving his motor vehicle at dangerously high speeds, using a fuel source that shortens people’s lives by infecting their lungs and bloodstream with toxic chemicals, is a right that morally outweighs your right to use non-motorised transport modes and breathe non-deadly air.

“How dare you try to build a cycle lane,” the man shouted out of his car’s window while not paying attention to the road ahead.

“If cyclists are allowed their own protected part of the road, I’ll never be able to imperil their lives with my dangerous driving habits!

“The only thing new cycle lanes will achieve is creating a big long traffic jam, making my car journey slower and more inconvenient. What on earth have I ever done to deserve this?”

While the invention of the road predates that of the combustion engine, cars have dominated them for the past century, killing millions but also getting people to their destination quickly and conveniently.

Failing to notice a pedestrian waiting at a zebra crossing, the righteous motorist continued: “Roads are designed for cars, and cars are designed to be driven on roads, so don’t try to stop me driving over these roads in my car.

“I mean, I’m all for saving the environment and making it easier for kids to breathe clean air and everything, but what kind of selfish prick introduces a tax on this city’s greatest source of pollution?

“It’s almost as if they’re trying to encourage us motorists to leave our dangerous, dirty cars at home and use cleaner, safer modes of transport instead.

“The bastards.”