Legal lows still legal

LEGAL lows that cause daily misery for millions remain perfectly legal, it has emerged.

Tedious activities that have yet to be outlawed include commuting to work, nuisance phone calls, wading through spam email, bureaucratic form-filling, and being spied on by the government.

Calls are growing for these and other dreary exertions such as changing the bed, washing up dishes, cleaning the toilet, and walking six miles to the nearest water well, to be banned.

Evidence is accumulating that legal lows can have a hugely detrimental impact on life satisfaction and people’s general state of wellbeing – or in some cases even death.

People who play loud music on public transport, push in front of you at the bar, or pay you less than your colleagues because you don’t have a penis, are among some of those to blame for soaring stress levels that have prompted demands for a crackdown on legal lows.

Wretched activities that are said to carry the highest health risk include chopping vegetables, crossing a busy junction, passive smoking, and getting shot by the police because you have the wrong skin colour.

So far the government has resisted making legal lows illegal, but reports of people suffering ill effects after repeated monotonous experiences are becoming more and more frequent.

And although they have only recently drawn widespread public attention and media interest, boring activities such as mowing the lawn, ironing, and inhaling carcinogenic air pollutants, have reportedly been going on for many years.

Overpriced coffee shops, hidden estate agent fees, unpaid overtime, and mass corporate tax avoidance, also all stubbornly remain lawful.

A petition to ban legal lows was begun online but the website has since disappeared and the person responsible sentenced to 1,000 lashings and ten years in jail.