Green energy ‘not deadly enough’

ENERGY generated by green renewable sources doesn’t kill enough people to be taken seriously by governments, analysts have warned.

Solar, wind, geothermal, hydro, tidal and wave power all fail to emit deadly pollutants, greenhouse gases, or offer the tantalising prospect of a cataclysmic explosion.

“Governments used to be able to use the excuse that green energy cost more money to generate than non-green sources,” said one analyst.

“These days, however, the cost of renewable power has plummeted and in many cases it is the cheapest option for electricity generation.

“That means there must be another reason why so many governments are failing to invest in them. And what’s the main difference between renewables and fossil fuels?

“It’s the death.”

Several suggestions have been made for making green energy more deadly. One is to construct wind farms at the end of airport runways, forcing pilots to weave in and out of rotating turbine blades as they come in to land.

Another is to set solar panels to spontaneously combust if they start generating too much electricity on sunny days.

Geothermal sources could also be used as part of the production of sulphuric acid, which would then be anonymously stored as puddles on residential streets.

“There’s so much potential,” said a government adviser. “Public officials love risk, wastefulness, and death. In recent years the green energy sector has become far too reliable, efficient, and safe.

“We need to start thinking outside the box to get governments to consider renewables again. The odd exploding wave machine, triggering a tsunami or such like, could really make ministers sit up and take notice.

“Recently there was this tidal lagoon that got rejected, with all the money going into nuclear instead. But what if we could offer the possibility of a catastrophic lagoon wall implosion, creating an inadvertent dam that floods a seaside resort?

“We need to make green energy so dangerous they start calling it ‘grave energy’. As soon as those ministers smell death they won’t be able to stop throwing money at it.”