Glorious sign of impending doom

SUNSEEKERS have been enjoying fun and frolics as the nation basks in an unseasonably warm indication of global catastrophe.

The glorious sign of impending doom is coaxing many naive young things to wear far less clothing than they usually would at this time of year, seemingly unaware of how their wintry bare skin has become an ironic symbol of their increasingly fragile mortality on a rapidly warming planet.

“What a beautiful day!” one doomed human exalted, seemingly unaware of an ongoing mass extinction event. “I love it when spring arrives ludicrously early so I can have a picnic while not being bothered by any bees or other tiresome insects.

“It makes me feel so alive.”

The nation’s weather reporters are also refusing to provide any long-term context to the record-breaking temperatures, either through ignorance, amnesia, or covert sponsorship by the fossil fuel industry.

“Great news folks, it’s going to be another lovely hot February day today,” said one weather reporter, animatronically.

“Although I’m afraid I’ve also got some very bad news as well. I hope you’re sitting down for this because I need to tell you about what’s going to be happening in the future with our weather.

“This has serious implications for every single one of us, so gather the children round and listen up.

“On Friday it’s going to rain.”