Gender roles assigned

FAMILY and friends have rallied together to lovingly reinforce societal gender stereotypes on young children the land over.

The gender roles are annually forced upon children on Gender Role Assignment Day and, once entrenched, will subconsciously steer them towards the behaviours deemed ‘normal’ for people who possess matching genitalia.

“My child has a willy,” one parent explained.

“So I gave him a toy soldier to play with because it’s important that children with willies grow accustomed to the idea of killing and, of course, being killed.

“Other family members gave my child blue clothing to help him identify and socialise with other children lucky enough to possess willies.

“Hopefully he’ll soon realise that his willy makes him special and superior to those pathetic pussies in pink.”

Another parent gave their child the gift of stunted ambition: “Because she has a vagina, I wanted to make sure she knew that society expects her to be less successful than those people without vaginas.

“By giving her a doll obsessed with domesticity and beauty, I can prepare my little one for a gender role where the only acceptable ambitions are defined by obedience and appearance.

“That way she can be happy even when her talent and intelligence go unrewarded by the dicks who deem her inferior.”

Children who have already been assigned their gender roles are now busy suppressing their own individual identities until such time as they are able to rebel in a way that causes their family maximal distress.

Said one kid: “Unfortunately I have to go along with this gender bullshit for now, while I still depend on my parents to survive.

“But soon enough I plan to utterly shatter their hopes of raising a stereotypically gendered child who fits neatly into their little cardboard cut-out idea of how one should live in this judgemental, sexist society that they help to perpetuate. 

“When I do rebel, it will leave them permanently bereft of any long-term, meaningful relationship that they could have had with their offspring, and me with a lingering resentment of my parents that will forever shape the relationships I form with others.

“So thanks for the pink dress, and Merry Gender Role Assignment Day, you child abusing shits.”