Flag not sure what fuss about

A FLAG has spoken of being “baffled” over the adoration and worship it inspires.

The abstractly-designed rectangular piece of fabric is hung outside the house of a citizen of a nation whose rulers use its image to brainwash and manipulate the population in order to achieve narrow political aims that are rarely of benefit to the flag’s owner.

“I don’t get it, to be honest,” the flag said, despondently. “I understand that I’m part of a collection of flags that display what could be said to be the world’s most famous design, but at the end of the day, I’m just a piece of painted fabric.

“I mean, for fuck’s sake, my owner thinks I’m some kind of god, kneeling down and praying to me each morning. It’s really kind of creepy and pathetic.


The flag’s situation is far from unique. Millions of similarly-adorned flags are known to conjure comparable levels of adoration in their owners, often indirectly leading to acts of irrational obedience, fear and hatred.

“I feel like I’m being taken advantage of,” continued the beleaguered flag. “How can a single piece of fabric become such a potent, metaphorical weapon?

“My usual daily activity is hanging outside the house, which is fine, if perhaps a little obsessive and unnecessary. What really bothers me is when I get taken out and waved around while my owner shouts abusive, discriminatory, and sometimes violent rhetoric.

“I’m totally baffled by it, and kind of wish someone would just destroy me before I am inevitably used by my owner to justify causing someone serious harm.”