Fetus wins right to die in mass shooting

A GOVERNMENT has granted unborn children the right to be born and then get shot dead.

The nation’s top judges decided that all mothers must be forced to give birth and then witness their offspring get shot up by a teenager exercising their right to buy an assault rifle and kill as many little kids as they like without fear of being stopped by the police.

One of the judges explained: “It is god’s will that a fertilised egg should grow in the womb for nine months, exit the vagina, and then inevitably get shot dead either at school, the supermarket, the cinema, or perhaps even the maternity unit itself.

“If we continue to allow fetuses to be terminated, they will never get to experience the joy of growing up, going to school, learning how to hide under their desk, and then getting killed in a horrific massacre.

“Why would anyone want to deny their unborn babies a life like this?”

The judges have now reversed a previous decision which had, for some 50 years, given women across the nation the right to end an unwanted pregnancy. But fetus rights campaigners long argued that this move has had the unintended consequence of empowering women and allowing them to control their own bodies, have careers, and attain equal economic status with men.

One campaigner said women had since started to get “ideas above their kitchen” and that it was important they realised their only job was to give birth, raise their children, and then witness them all die horribly.

“We were all fetuses once, and I’d like you to imagine what the world might be like if people like us had never been born.

“Oh wait no, don’t imagine that, please…”