Calls for apology apology

DEMANDS have been made for an apology over the appallingly catastrophic way an apology was executed.

Milliseconds after the apology was verbalised it became agonisingly clear that the apology was not only insincere but badly worded, badly timed, badly delivered and badly planned, with little or no regard given for how the aftermath of the devastating apology would be managed.

Millions of people have been needlessly hurt by the apology, while the apology’s original stated objectives, save for one exception, remain glaringly unmet. The apology has also upset far more people than would have been upset had the apology never been made.

“This is possibly the single most catastrophically bad apology that’s ever been issued, by anyone, anywhere,” an apology veteran said today.

“I would hope that sooner rather than later an apology is made for this apology, and an inquiry set up to examine all of the evidence, to determine exactly who is responsible.

“Apologies, in general, are a very bad idea, and they should only ever be considered as an option in the most extreme circumstances, when all other unapologetic avenues have been exhausted.

“Far better than an apology, I find, is to avoid lying, killing, and blaming other people for that lying and killing, in the first place.”

So far the demands for an apology for the apology have not been met. But a spokesperson has issued this statement: “The apology that was issued was issued following a vote of support from people who were fully aware of all of the evidence for the apology that we decided to show them at the time.

“There is no official tally of precisely how many people this apology has hurt, because we have not kept count, and therefore any figure published is purely speculation.

“Whatever you may chose to believe about the delivery and execution of the apology, I am sure you can agree that its one single successful outcome – the removal of blame from the apologist – should never be apologised for.

“Whoever is blamed instead is not our responsibility.”

Several other apologies are now being planned, with this apology’s disastrous fallout being considered incidental to whether or not other apologies can be justified.

“One bad apology does not mean the concept of the apology itself is a bad one,” another apologiser said.

“Apologies are still the most effective method available to people to excuse themselves of the bad things they have done, and make as little effort as possible to ensure the bad things don’t happen again.

“Because we all do bad things from time to time, don’t we?”