Bucket sellers with blood on their hands

THE government will order bucket sellers to clamp down on extremism following a bucket-related terror attack.

Global bucket giants will be challenged after hundreds of commuters and schoolchildren narrowly avoided death when a bomb in a bucket failed to fully detonate on a rush-hour train.

The attacker, who is on the run, used a bucket that can be bought from high street shops that remain open for business.

A bucket summit between international leaders will be held next week and is expected to warn bucket sellers that they need to do more to stop terrorists buying buckets.

The terror alert level was raised to ‘critical’ hours after the bucket-based attack and troops are now being deployed at key sites to help police look out for people carrying buckets.

A government spokesperson said: “We will stop at nothing to keep the country safe, with all options considered.

“If it is decided that banning buckets is the best way to beat these bastards then that’s what we’ll bloody well have to do.

“Buckets must not be allowed to fall into the hands of any psychologically disturbed and hate-filled loner with no respect for life who will undoubtedly use it for a task other than collecting rainwater in a leaky supermarket.”

All bucket sellers contacted by Crack News refused to comment.