Attractive person slain

AN aesthetically-pleasing person has been murdered.

The beautiful young human was looking all cute and innocent when they were struck a killer blow by an unknown, but surely evil, assassin.

After images revealed exactly how wondrous the victim’s physical features truly were, tributes poured in from around the globe.

One of billions of mourners cried: “Why? Oh why, why would anyone do this?! I just cannot fathom how anyone would want to take the life of a person so, just so incredibly gorgeous.

“This is a heinous act. Heinous! The anger burns, it burns!

“Any life lost is a tragedy, but to destroy such beauty is a crime without parallel. I bet whoever did this is old and ugly. It’s always the ugly who kill. Always!”

Detectives are now working furiously hard to track down the cold-hearted killer. “There are few people capable of such a despicable and outrageous crime,” a police officer confirmed.

“To take the life of a person as earth-shatteringly sexy as this requires such forceful immorality that the perpetrator is almost certain to possess an element of the satanic about them.

“As well as being grotesquely ugly, of course.”

All other murder investigations have been suspended as the search for the belle butcher is given the importance it deserves.

It is possible the callous culprit has killed people before, but not anyone of sufficient attractiveness to warrant concern.

The cop warned: “This crime takes us into dangerous territory. When the cute, the pretty, and the downright smoking hot, are targeted in such a way, it leaves us with little option but to strike back.

“We will consider all options available to us, including the mandatory detainment of anyone who can be classed as being of below-average appearance, in order to safeguard the rest of the visually-pleasant population.”

Further details of the beautiful victim’s final hours are still to be revealed. They are likely to include looking fine and being adorable.