THIEVES have been caught stealing things.
The crooks, dressed in black and white and carrying a bag marked ‘swag’, were spotted with their hands in a big jar of cookies.
Further investigations have since revealed that the thieves were planning to take their delicious stolen loot to an island known as ‘the land of thieves’ that is owned and run by thieves and where honesty is an imprisonable offence.
The stolen property was set to be transported to the island by a logistics company whose entire fleet of boats, planes and trucks is emblazoned with ‘getaway vehicle’.
“They did WHAT?” a shocked detective stated upon hearing the news that thieves had been caught thieving.
“Not possible. Just NOT possible.
“No fucking way did they do that. THEM. Doing THAT.
“You’re making this shit up and I want you to fuck off right now.”
Non-detectives had been saying for years it was highly probable that people who looked and acted like thieves, and answered to the name ‘thief’, were likely to be stealing one or two things.
“What would they know about it?” the detective asked. “It’s easy for everyone to sit at home and yell ‘thief’ whenever they see a thief run past the window, but there’s this small thing you need to catch thieves that we like to call ‘evidence’.
“Looking like a thief, acting like a thief, calling yourself ‘thief’, constantly hanging out with other thieves, running a company called ‘thief & co’, driving a car with ‘thieving bastard’ written on the windscreen, and dogs barking incessantly whenever you’re near them, is not of itself enough evidence that you are a thief.
“In this particular case, it turns out that the thieves had indeed been thieving. This is the exception that proves the rule.
“It doesn’t change the fact that thieves are always non-thieves until proven otherwise.”