Nothing happening
ABSOLUTELY nothing is occurring in the world. There are no… Continue Reading
Latest in: media
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Universities full of clever folk
UNIVERSITIES are populated by intelligent people, a newspaper has confirmed.… Continue Reading
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Bucket sellers with blood on their hands
THE government will order bucket sellers to clamp down on… Continue Reading
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Billionaires disobeyed
BILLIONAIRES are being disobeyed for the first time in their… Continue Reading
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Rattlesnake tastes fear, irrationality
A RATTLESNAKE has picked up a strong whiff of fear,… Continue Reading
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‘New media evil,’ claims old media
MEDIA that has been recently created is being blamed for… Continue Reading
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Frog yet to jump out of heated pan
A FROG has still not reacted to the increasing temperature of… Continue Reading
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Reality users ‘fucking it up’
PEOPLE who inhabit unaltered reality “are a danger to themselves… Continue Reading
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Label attachers value haste over accuracy
LABELS are being attached to people so fast their accuracy is… Continue Reading
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Truth lost
FEARS are growing for the fate of The Truth with… Continue Reading
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Proof ‘proves nothing’
IRREFUTABLE evidence of something happening is being refuted by people… Continue Reading
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Attractive person slain
AN aesthetically-pleasing person has been murdered. The beautiful young human… Continue Reading
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Racism encouraged
RACISM is being encouraged. Advisors claim that negative assumptions and… Continue Reading
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Team beats team
A TEAM has won after beating the team it was… Continue Reading
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Famous person attends event
A PERSON who is well known by a lot of… Continue Reading
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Anti-establishment guy hated by establishment
AN ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT figure is being opposed by the establishment. Pillars of… Continue Reading
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Photo of bad event ‘make bad event worse’
A PHOTOGRAPH taken of a bad event happening has reportedly… Continue Reading
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Extremist demands world peace
FEARS are growing for the safety of humankind after a… Continue Reading
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Old people more likely to die
OLD folk have a far higher mortality rate than young… Continue Reading
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Disaster yet to reach media kill threshold
A NATURAL disaster that has killed hundreds, injured thousands, and… Continue Reading
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Newspapers still exist
PERIODICAL publications containing news, analysis, comment, propaganda and fear are… Continue Reading
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Blue cars blamed for multistorey thefts
CARS painted blue are to blame for a recent spate… Continue Reading
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Internet full of naked people
THE internet is jam-packed with naked people, tabloid newspaper readers… Continue Reading
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Dictionary c*n***ed
THE dictionary has been mysteriously c*n***ed. English s****ers woke up… Continue Reading
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Conspiracy theorist’s death ‘suspicious’
A CONSPIRACY theorist has died in circumstances described by non-witnesses… Continue Reading
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Jailed drug dealer ‘sold peer-reviewed pills’
A DRUG dealer who only sold evidence-based pills is finally… Continue Reading
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Virus now spreading to white people
A DEADLY virus has spread to areas where lots of… Continue Reading
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Bonkers scientists say world will end ‘soon’
CRAZY scientists say we must prepare for the end of… Continue Reading
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‘Mindless thugs’ rebuild community centre
A BUNCH of drunken, mindless thugs completely rebuilt a community… Continue Reading