PROMISE breakers are making new promises and promising not to break them this time.
The promises being made by the promise breakers are slightly updated versions of the promises which they broke before, accounting for the change of circumstances arising as a result of the previous promises being broken.
As usual, the promise breakers have split themselves into groups based on their preferences for which type of promises they most like to break.
Several new promise breakers have also arrived on the promise-breaking scene, eager to impress the promise-breaking industry with the scale of the promises they don’t currently intend to break.
But it is still the established promise breakers who remain most likely to win the chance to break their promises in the chamber of broken promises.
“My promise to you is a promise I will keep,” explained one promise breaker on national television.
“Unlike those other promise breakers, you can always count on me and my group of promise breakers to not break the promises we make.
“I must be honest and admit that my promise-breaking group has broken promises in the past. But we are not the same bunch of promise breakers that we were before.
“This group of promise breakers has changed, I promise. Before, we made promises we knew we were unlikely to keep.
“This time around, all of our promises are less unlikely to be kept than the promises we broke before, and I wholeheartedly promise that we will keep them and not break them, like we did before.
All the promise breakers are competing to win control of the hallowed promise-breaking machine, a machine that can emit promises so fast that most people are unable to comprehend how many of them eventually get broken.
However, the current controllers have broken so many promises that they may have actually broken the promise-breaking machine itself.
One promise breaker admitted: “The promise-breaking industry is broken. It needs to be completely revamped, overhauled, rebuilt from scratch.
“Only me and my group of promise breakers are promising to fix the broken promise-breaking machine for good.”
The promise breakers will need to convince everyone that they are the least likely of the promise breakers to break the promises they have promised not to break, before they can gain access to the promise-breaking machine.
If the public is unable to agree on which promise breakers they think are least likely to break their promises, the various different groups of promise breakers will make promises to each other in a process likely to culminate in a beautiful orgy of promise breaking.
After the promise-breaking orgy a whole new set of promises will be announced, and the next era of promise breaking will begin.