‘New media evil,’ claims old media

MEDIA that has been recently created is being blamed for all evil by media that has been superseded.

The older superseded media, which is in rapid decline, claims that the new and tremendously popular media must be “prevented from existing” in order to save everyone from devastation and death.

In a message printed on paper that was subsequently distributed and sold over the course of a day, the old media said: “We have tested this new socialising media and discovered that it does things that we do not understand in the slightest, yet know for certain is pure evil.

“The socialising media is very fast, which is the surest sign of evil that we know. The faster media is, the more difficult it is to intercept by noble and honest state spies, and it must therefore be prevented from existing.

“It is our contention that a just and fair society is one in which people may only be allowed to communicate slowly.”

In the long printed message, old media explained that nothing evil had ever happened prior to the invention and dissemination of new media.

“No crime had ever been committed, no injustice ever endured, and no disaster ever suffered, prior to the creation of this new and profoundly evil method of electronic communication.

“In the glory days, when printed messages were the foremost means of conversing and electricity was but a dream, everyone was happy, no-one ever got killed by anyone else, and newspapers were taken seriously.”

In a message written and published a few seconds ago, someone on social media said: “Lol.”