MURDERERS are conducting a thorough investigation into why there are some people in society who insist on not killing things.
The questioning began at lunchtime when it emerged that, despite a fine selection of murdered animals being prepared for consumption, not everyone was willing to eat them.
“Why don’t you like dead things?” the murderers inquired, accusingly.
“You need to justify your refusal to support the killing industry. It is quite incomprehensible to us that anyone could so brazenly decline to help dispose of these fine-tasting carcasses.
“Please tell us why, and if your answer fails to satisfy us, we will gently mock your strange non-murderous lifestyle until you are left with no option but to disassociate yourself from our group.”
This initial line of questioning was rebuffed by the non-murderers as they explained their preference for live animals over dead ones, and thus their reluctance to both slay and feast upon them.
The lack of enthusiasm for death led the murderers to question their own disposition.
“So I’m a murderer, am I?”
Upon receiving confirmation that they were indeed murderers, the introspection gave way to further inquiries as to the motives, habits, tastes and ethics of the non-murdering population.
“How long have you been unsupportive of death?
“How do you survive without killing things?
“Don’t you ever feel the need to chew on the charred remains of a murdered bird?
“Not even if it were served with cranberry sauce?
“But how do you sleep at night?”
As the questioning finally ceased the murderers conferred quietly with each other before delivering their punishment; the non-murderers were banned from masturbating.
“You can’t beat meat.”