‘Mindless thugs’ rebuild community centre

A BUNCH of drunken, mindless thugs completely rebuilt a community centre in an act of mindless violence.

Dozens of the despicable yobs descended on to the social hub’s ruined remains and set about rebuilding it from scratch, using the existing foundations to construct a postmodern structure of high architectural merit.

The centre, which had been sold by the local authority to a palm oil conglomerate before being knocked down, has now fully reopened to the public.

It features the same function rooms and facilities as before, but with the addition of a fully-equipped recording studio, gym, cafe, outdoor skate park, climbing wall, youth hostel and 724 homes for social rent.

The community centre is also now fully accessible for disabled people, offers free public wi-fi and is carbon negative, having been built with rooftop solar panels, triple glazing, ground-source heat pumps and rainwater harvesting.

The building was certified as meeting Passivhaus standards within five minutes of its completion.

A local resident witnessed the rapid construction job. She said: “It all happened so fast. One minute the community centre wasn’t there, the next minute it was.

“Mindless thugs, the lot of ’em.”

A police spokesman said there were about eight hooded yobs, three dodgy characters and at least one who should have known better. However, the cops said, “all could be described as equally mindless and thug-like in character”.

The shocking incident follows a spate of violent regeneration schemes in recent weeks, including a series of ground-breaking eco projects and award-winning civic developments.

If you know a mindless thug who you think is liable to regenerating your area, call Yobstoppers on 0800 555 111.

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