Impossible to eat football, shows study

A SOCIAL experiment shows that it is, in fact, not possible to eat and sleep football.

A government spent billions on the sport in the hope that it could adequately feed, clothe and provide shelter for all the country’s millions of inhabitants.

However, the early indications are that the experiment has been a catastrophic failure.

Instead of showing that it is possible to eat and sleep football, the experiment has so far shown that it is only possible to die football.

The nation’s leader said she was surprised at just how difficult it was to make people forget that they are hungry and living in filth.

“It has been our long-term goal to use this country’s obsession with football to distract people from how poor they are and how few basic public services we provide for them,” she said.

“My predecessor decided that we should host a global study to take this concept further, and use it as a social experiment.

“Just how much money did we need to spend on football before our people evolved to live on football, and nothing else?

“No food, no homes, no education, no healthcare. Eat football, sleep football.

“But it’s been difficult. We thought people living in the favelas would have more of an appetite for football, to be honest.

“Turns out they prefer beef. And proper bin collections.”

But she maintains that the experiment could still work.

She continued: “If we don’t win, there is a Plan B.

“In two years’ time we’re going to find out if we can live off equestrian, archery and wheelchair racing.”