THE price of death has plummeted and may not rise again for many months, economists fear.
It comes after a surprising decline in the popularity of death around the world as numerous nations reject it in favour of healthier alternatives.
But countries that still love to create death are counting the cost of the price fall and are trying to find ways of increasing demand once again.
“People just don’t want to die anymore,” a leading death dealer lamented. “It’s hitting us hard, you know.
“Gone are the days when people loved to invest in a good ol’ barrel of death. Now they’re all like, ‘oh but it’s dangerous’, and, ‘there’s no future in it’.
“It’s bullshit if you ask me. We’ve been relying on death for well over a century, and I sure as hell ain’t gonna stop selling it now.”
The determination to continue dealing death comes despite accumulating evidence that death is, in fact, quite harmful.
But none of this has deterred some of the biggest dealers in the world from utilising new and ever more risky and expensive ways of developing even greater quantities of death.
“We must continue to expand, despite the declining price and the debatable disadvantages of spreading death to every corner of the globe,” explained the head of one such death company.
“I mean, do you have any idea how many people have died fighting over death?
“Surely the only way to honour all those lives is to continue dispersing death as widely as we can.”
Economists agreed and warned that declines in production could spell disaster for those people who depend on death to live.