Homeless person ‘happy to take part’

A HOMELESS person is not bitter about losing at life and is just “happy to have taken part”.

The upbeat tramp added that it was an “honour” to have competed with some of the best in the life business, despite the ultimate disappointment of having lost to all of them.

“I gave it my best shot, but the competition was tough,” explained the homeless person, who now faces a fight to avoid relegation from the league of life.

“I’m not bitter about losing. I knew exactly what I was signing up for when I was born. The midwife gave me a contract and everything.

“Life is one really big competition, and not everyone can win.

“But if it wasn’t for losers like me the winners like you wouldn’t be able to live so comfortably, so I’m happy to have played my part and helped other people get a foot up the ladder of life.

“It’s all just a bit of fun at the end of the day, I guess. You train hard, you compete, and if you win, you live a good life. If you lose, you try to avoid relegation so that you can come back the next day and compete again.

“I just happen to have lost every game of life I’ve ever played.”

Following their latest heavy defeat to a top-ranking lifer, the odds of the happy hobo avoiding relegation have lengthened considerably.

“It’s not looking good right now, I’m not sure this vagrant will survive much longer,” one life expert explained.

“Up to now the only thing keeping them above the relegation zone has been the occasional generosity of successful lifers.

“But life is a tough game to play, and you know what, some people just can’t cut it.

“That’s what makes the game of life so thrilling to watch. Every time you step into the life arena you know there’s a real chance that you’ll lose your home, your family, your sanity.

“The fear of losing is what drives so many people on to succeed, and trample all over others in the process of doing so. That’s how competition works.

“If you don’t like it, you can always quit and go back up the womb you came from.”