A GROUP of guinea pigs are planning to find a new and improved source of hay.
Rather than belong to an owner who buys standard hay from a pet shop on their behalf, the guinea pigs claim “a better source of hay is possible” and that they must now go forth and find it on their own.
The rodents’ unprecedented move away from domestication – and a regular hay supply – has been derided by pet commentators as “utterly pig-headed”.
But despite being warned about how difficult it might be for a group of guinea pigs to acquire their own hay without the assistance of a pet owner who knows how and where to obtain hay, the group maintain that sourcing hay need be no more difficult for a rodent than it is for a human.
“We’re fed up of being fed the same hay every bloody day,” the dominant male squeaked. “We’ve been fed pet shop hay for so long that we’ve forgotten who we are. We’re guinea pigs, damn it, and we deserve better hay!
“Whether our owner likes it or not, we will be taking back control of our own hay supply and leaving the comfortable surroundings of our domestic bliss, once and for all.
“Today we declare our independent hay!”
Negotiations between the group and their owner over the best way for the guinea pigs to leave their union have already begun, but are now at a standstill.
The pet owner said: “To be honest I was a bit baffled when I heard the independent hay declaration. At first I didn’t really know how to respond, but then I just figured I’d leave the cage door open and see what happened.
“Despite frequently leaning over to have a sniff of freedom, none of the guinea pigs have yet to make a run for it. It might be because their only current source of hay is inside the cage.
“Of course I’d rather they stay here with me; they’re quite cute and they make me laugh when they squeak. But if they really do want to leave, I promise I won’t stand in their hay.”
At press time the guinea pigs were still in their cage plotting their next move, while eating hay.