Dinosaurs warn of mass extinction

A DEVASTATING new mass extinction event has begun, according to the victims of a previous global species annihilation.

Dinosaurs are warning that the sixth major dying episode in history could potentially eclipse all that came before it.

“Our data tells us that this will be a big one,” a compsognathus said in a press conference this morning.

“We have established clear proof that extant species are dying out even faster than we did, and on such a scale that urgent mitigation measures should be employed expeditiously.

“Your oceans are acidifying, your storms intensifying, your ice caps melting, sea levels rising, forests desertifying, and wildlife habitats shrinking.

“Trust me, when it comes to mass extinction events, us dinosaurs know what we’re talking about.”

Dinosaurs were the most famous creatures to perish in the planet’s fifth great extinction event, 65 million years ago.

The die-off left room in the food chain for mammals to thrive, until a species called homo sapiens came to establish a new dominance over all life on Earth, the likes of which had not been seen since the day of the dinosaurs.

“Jealousy doesn’t come into it,” said an oviraptor.

“We were pretty merked by that comet, obviously, but that was a long time ago and we certainly don’t blame anyone alive today on what happened back then.

“Had we survived, homo sapiens would have never evolved. That’s an undeniable fact.

“And remember, we dinosaurs were the pre-eminent terrestrial vertebrates alive for not one, not two, but three geological time periods, a total epoch spanning 135 million years.

“Homo sapiens have had 12,000 years at the top, so far, and now they’re already having to deal with a mass extinction event.

“Definitely not jealous.”

Asked what might be causing the sixth great extinction, a stegosaurus summed up the current consenus among extinct theropods.

“It’s a tough call for a dead creature with a lemon-sized brain, but using a process of elimination we can establish what the likely cause might be.

“There’s been no comet collision, no notable change in volcanic activity, no increase in solar activity and no extraterrestrial interference.

“What there has been is almost a doubling in the air of a molecule known for its heat-trapping qualities.

“How that happened, I’m afraid, we’ve no idea.”

A diplodocus suggested that homo sapiens themselves might like to draw their own conclusion.

“Humans have discovered what caused the fifth great extinction event, 65 million years ago.

“I don’t know why so many of them remain puzzled by what’s happening in front of their very eyes.”