Conspiracy theorist’s death ‘suspicious’

A CONSPIRACY theorist has died in circumstances described by non-witnesses as ‘suspicious’.

The author of books including The Moon Is A Myth and Bin Laden Had A Sex Change was hit by a bus as he was crossing a busy dual carriageway and died at the scene, according to an official police statement.

However, several people who did not witness the death have claimed the conspiracy theorist was already dead before he even started crossing the road.

Others claim he was deliberately mown down by the bus driver, acting on orders from a transit company seeking to take revenge for a skipped fare dating back to 1995.

“The police report claims he was hit by a bus, but it conveniently fails to mention the second bus,” an internet critic noted on a message board in the early hours of this morning.

“Everyone knows that buses always come in twos. Fact.”

Other internet users took their conspiracies further. One wrote: “He was dead before he even crossed the road. He’d been stabbed in the back by an elder member of his family.

“Then he was picked up and thrown by the assassin straight into the path of an oncoming bus, to make it look like an accident.

“I know this because I spend all my time on the internet reading the truth.”

A post-mortem conducted after the death confirmed the victim suffered ‘multiple injuries’ consistent with being hit by a double-decker bus.¬†Police have confirmed it is not being treated as suspicious.

But this has only enraged internet users further. Another asked: “Multiple injuries? That’s it? If we’re supposed to believe this crap we’re going to need a full pathological report, plus photos and diagrams.

“Were any of his limbs severed? Did his head explode? Were aliens involved?

“Come on. If he really was only hit by one bus, and no-one else involved, all you have to do is release the footage to prove it.

“Let me see him die. I want to see him die.”

A petition has also been started by a group of conspirators who allege that “buses aren’t capable of killing bestselling authors”.

“Maybe if he got hit by a high-speed train, but a bus?” the petition asks rhetorically. “No, not possible.

“We, the undersigned, demand a full and transparent inquest into the death of a beloved conspiracy theorist, respected and admired by all who didn’t know him.

“Otherwise, we can only assume that he was killed by a remotely controlled detonation device strapped to his chest by Omera bin Laden.”