Blue cars blamed for multistorey thefts

CARS painted blue are to blame for a recent spate of thefts in a multistorey car park, an attendant alleges.

A driver of a blue car was spotted with a crowbar by the attendant moments before the latest vehicle theft “which suggests to me there’s something wrong with people who drive blue cars”.

The attendant reported the incident and gave his description of the suspect to police, who have responded by undertaking random spot checks of blue cars as they enter the multistorey, including an examination of their exhaust.

“Sometimes I wonder if we shouldn’t ban blue cars altogether,” said the attendant. “I’ve always thought they were trouble.

“I hate blue anyway, cars should only ever be painted silver, like mine. Silver car drivers never give me any trouble.

“There’s this special high-security zone in the car park with CCTV and wide parking bays, with easy access to the elevator, and I only ever let the silver cars use it.”

Blue car drivers say they no longer feel welcome in the multistorey and allege there is a silver car conspiracy against them.

One bluey said: “This attendant is being paintist, he should be the one being investigated.

“You know he gives preferential treatment to those silver car drivers? A few years ago a bunch of them were using the upper levels as a bloody racing circuit.

“There was this huge crash which caused an explosion and weakened the structure of the car park so much it almost caved in.

“But instead of calling the cops on those reckless silver car drivers, the attendant said we all had to pay for the damage through increased parking ticket prices.

“So yeah of course there’s going to be more thefts. What did he think would happen? We’re all poorer thanks to those silver shits.”

Now an expert in car parking has said people who use multistoreys should be allowed to judge drivers on the colour of their cars without fear of being labelled paintist.

“If a red car driver doesn’t want to park next to a bluey, that’s fine,” said the expert. “It’s a fact that blueys are more likely to be thieves.

“I should know, I drive a blue car myself. But the silvers let me park it in the high-security zone next to theirs so I never get any trouble.

“Those silvers are a lovely bunch and never do anything wrong.”