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Latest by: CrackNews

  • ‘Bad idea’ bad idea

    A BAD idea that lots of people warned was a… Continue Reading

    18th February 2021
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  • Fuck off fascist fuck, voters decide

    A FASCIST should fuck off and then go fuck off… Continue Reading

    7th November 2020
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  • Government pledges to start governing

    A GOVERNMENT has vowed to commence governance shortly. The national… Continue Reading

    25th September 2020
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  • Masked man fears further penis shrinkage

    A MAN forced to start wearing a face mask to… Continue Reading

    16th July 2020
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  • Police ‘sorry’ for not killing people equally

    POLICE officers who killed a black man have apologised for… Continue Reading

    12th June 2020
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  • Humans being nice to each other

    HOMO sapiens are being kind and helping each other out.… Continue Reading

    1st April 2020
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  • Koala ‘terrified’ by fate of GDP

    A SEVERELY injured koala recovering at a wildlife hospital after… Continue Reading

    24th January 2020
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  • Liar lying

    A LIAR is lying. The liar said he was not… Continue Reading

    12th November 2019
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  • Girl threatens status quo, insecure men

    A GIRL who wants grown-ups to start acting their age… Continue Reading

    2nd October 2019
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  • Democracy still dead

    DEMOCRACY is dead, much as it has been for some… Continue Reading

    10th September 2019
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  • Moon to quit Earth

    EARTH’S only natural satellite has announced plans to quit for… Continue Reading

    20th July 2019
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  • Factory workers ‘deserved to lose jobs’

    WORKERS laid off when their factory was moved overseas had… Continue Reading

    10th June 2019
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  • Protesters not perfect

    PEOPLE who have been protesting for a worthy cause are… Continue Reading

    30th April 2019
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  • Glorious sign of impending doom

    SUNSEEKERS have been enjoying fun and frolics as the nation… Continue Reading

    27th February 2019
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  • Rail users demand same rights as humans

    TRAIN passengers have claimed that they should be treated on… Continue Reading

    23rd January 2019
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  • Hellmakers issue hell warning

    THE creators of hell have said that we should start… Continue Reading

    22nd December 2018
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  • Wage nearly enough to live on

    HUNDREDS of people have applied for a job offering a… Continue Reading

    28th October 2018
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  • White man facing consequences

    A WHITE man is enduring bad consequences for something bad… Continue Reading

    1st October 2018
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  • Atrocity occurs in place it often occurs

    AN awful atrocity has befallen a country where such atrocities… Continue Reading

    27th August 2018
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  • Green energy ‘not deadly enough’

    ENERGY generated by green renewable sources doesn’t kill enough people… Continue Reading

    3rd July 2018
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  • Nothing happening

    ABSOLUTELY nothing is occurring in the world. There are no… Continue Reading

    19th May 2018
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  • Choking albatross welcomes plastic curbs

    A CHOKING albatross has welcomed moves to reduce plastic use… Continue Reading

    22nd April 2018
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  • Motorist defends right to kill you

    A MOTORIST has defended his right to kill you and… Continue Reading

    22nd March 2018
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  • Bacon linked to high swine mortality

    BACON has been linked by researchers to high mortality rates… Continue Reading

    4th March 2018
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  • Shareholder rewarded for possessing money

    A SHAREHOLDER has been rewarded for possessing money by being… Continue Reading

    3rd February 2018
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  • Famous person recommends product

    A PRODUCT has been endorsed by a famous person, who… Continue Reading

    7th January 2018
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  • Gender roles assigned

    FAMILY and friends have rallied together to lovingly reinforce societal… Continue Reading

    25th December 2017
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  • Guinea pigs to source own hay

    A GROUP of guinea pigs are planning to find a… Continue Reading

    17th November 2017
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  • Universities full of clever folk

    UNIVERSITIES are populated by intelligent people, a newspaper has confirmed.… Continue Reading

    27th October 2017
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  • Tenant ‘eager to pay landlord’s mortgage’

    A TENANT is determined to work extra hard in order… Continue Reading

    7th October 2017
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  • Bucket sellers with blood on their hands

    THE government will order bucket sellers to clamp down on… Continue Reading

    15th September 2017
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  • Cause hit by effect

    THE cause of a problem has been hit directly by… Continue Reading

    30th August 2017
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  • Violent act ‘tradition’

    A VIOLENT act that has occurred at regular intervals over… Continue Reading

    6th August 2017
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  • Alien invasion cancelled

    PROSPECTIVE alien invaders have been forced to abandon plans to… Continue Reading

    19th July 2017
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  • Billionaires disobeyed

    BILLIONAIRES are being disobeyed for the first time in their… Continue Reading

    10th July 2017
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  • Less freedom ‘helps protect freedom’

    FREEDOM is set to be curtailed in order to “help protect… Continue Reading

    5th June 2017
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  • Peach ripening nicely

    A PEACH will be ready to eat soon. The tasty fruit… Continue Reading

    20th May 2017
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  • Government run by cunts

    CAREFUL analysis shows the government is being run by a… Continue Reading

    26th April 2017
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  • Rattlesnake tastes fear, irrationality

    A RATTLESNAKE has picked up a strong whiff of fear,… Continue Reading

    16th April 2017
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  • ‘New media evil’ claims old media

    MEDIA that has been recently created is being blamed for… Continue Reading

    30th March 2017
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  • Woman has opinion

    A WOMAN has expressed an opinion despite not possessing a penis.… Continue Reading

    8th March 2017
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  • Flag not sure what fuss about

    A FLAG has spoken of being “baffled” over the adoration… Continue Reading

    18th February 2017
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  • Refugee ‘sorry for being selfish’

    A REFUGEE is “sorry for ruining people’s lives” by greedily fleeing violence and poverty.… Continue Reading

    28th January 2017
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  • Science ‘too experimental’

    SCIENCE is a dangerous pursuit that must be maligned and… Continue Reading

    16th January 2017
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  • 2016 less devastating than 2116

    THE devastating events of 2016 pale in comparison to those… Continue Reading

    26th December 2016
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  • Bleached coral vows revenge

    A BLEACHED staghorn coral polyp has promised to take its revenge “in… Continue Reading

    3rd December 2016
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  • Crap system produces crap outcome

    A CRAP system has produced a crap outcome. The crap… Continue Reading

    11th November 2016
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  • Pollution ‘boosts economy’

    DEADLY plumes of toxic gases should be made bigger and… Continue Reading

    29th October 2016
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  • Racist sex pest popular

    A RACIST sex pest is being cheered and applauded at huge rallies as… Continue Reading

    13th October 2016
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  • Uninvited guests refuse to leave party

    GUESTS who crashed a party and poisoned everyone have refused to leave. What… Continue Reading

    29th September 2016
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  • Frog yet to jump out of heated pan

    A FROG has still not reacted to the increasing temperature of… Continue Reading

    4th September 2016
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  • Reality users ‘fucking it up’

    PEOPLE who inhabit unaltered reality “are a danger to themselves… Continue Reading

    13th August 2016
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  • Label attachers value haste over accuracy

    LABELS are being attached to people so fast their accuracy is… Continue Reading

    21st July 2016
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  • Politics taking place

    EVENTS described as “political” are taking place at an increasing… Continue Reading

    30th June 2016
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  • Truth lost

    FEARS are growing for the fate of The Truth with… Continue Reading

    12th June 2016
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  • Proof ‘proves nothing’

    IRREFUTABLE evidence of something happening is being refuted by people… Continue Reading

    21st May 2016
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  • Customers undeterred by product’s ubiquity

    A UBIQUITOUS resource is being sold in large quantities to… Continue Reading

    8th May 2016
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  • Hedgehog demands prickle lanes

    A BEREAVED hedgehog is calling for highway authorities to build… Continue Reading

    15th April 2016
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  • Thieves caught thieving

    THIEVES have been caught stealing things. The crooks, dressed in… Continue Reading

    4th April 2016
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  • Attractive person slain

    AN aesthetically-pleasing person has been murdered. The beautiful young human… Continue Reading

    26th March 2016
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  • Red tape blood-stained

    TAPE that business leaders assumed was red has actually been… Continue Reading

    13th March 2016
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  • Expensive death drill favoured

    A DRILL of death and destruction that costs an excessive… Continue Reading

    29th February 2016
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  • ‘Keep doctors happy’ advise ill

    ILL folk have suggested keeping doctors happy. The wise recommendation… Continue Reading

    17th February 2016
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  • Tax optional

    LAWS that demand people give a portion of their income… Continue Reading

    2nd February 2016
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  • Clean water important

    CLEAN water is needed to keep people alive, it has… Continue Reading

    26th January 2016
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  • People make way for cash

    A HUGE bloody great tower will be built to help… Continue Reading

    13th January 2016
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  • Tree available

    A TREE is available to help, if needed. The perennial… Continue Reading

    1st January 2016
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  • Children lied to

    CHILDREN are being lied to by adults. The lies are… Continue Reading

    25th December 2015
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  • Artificially bounded regions idolised

    GEOGRAPHICAL regions bounded artificially to enable their autonomously distinctive operation… Continue Reading

    21st December 2015
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  • World leaders agree to destroy world

    A DEAL to destroy the world has been agreed at a global summit after… Continue Reading

    13th December 2015
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  • Cute animals at risk

    ANIMALS famed for their adorable physical traits are being put… Continue Reading

    1st December 2015
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  • Distant death ‘stops nearby death’

    CAUSING death in distant places will prevent death nearby, according… Continue Reading

    22nd November 2015
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  • Racism encouraged

    RACISM is being encouraged. Advisors claim that negative assumptions and… Continue Reading

    15th November 2015
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  • Present wars halted to honour past wars

    WARS taking place in the present have been paused momentarily… Continue Reading

    8th November 2015
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  • Democracy ‘cannot be too democratic’

    DEMOCRACY still works best when it is not too democratic,… Continue Reading

    1st November 2015
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  • Calls for apology apology

    DEMANDS have been made for an apology over the appallingly… Continue Reading

    26th October 2015
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  • Future storm not going back

    A STORM of the future has arrived in the present… Continue Reading

    21st October 2015
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  • Team beats team

    A TEAM has won after beating the team it was… Continue Reading

    18th October 2015
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  • Famous person attends event

    A PERSON who is well known by a lot of… Continue Reading

    12th October 2015
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  • Safety ‘proportional to danger’

    SAFETY levels rise at precisely the same rate as danger.… Continue Reading

    3rd October 2015
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  • Destroying ice cap economically unviable

    DESTROYING an ice cap won’t make as much money as… Continue Reading

    28th September 2015
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  • Anti-establishment guy hated by establishment

    AN ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT figure is being opposed by the establishment. Pillars of… Continue Reading

    16th September 2015
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  • Photo of bad event ‘make bad event worse’

    A PHOTOGRAPH taken of a bad event happening has reportedly… Continue Reading

    7th September 2015
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  • Extremist demands world peace

    FEARS are growing for the safety of humankind after a… Continue Reading

    24th August 2015
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  • Old people more likely to die

    OLD folk have a far higher mortality rate than young… Continue Reading

    12th August 2015
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  • Legal lows still legal

    LEGAL lows that cause daily misery for millions remain perfectly… Continue Reading

    30th July 2015
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  • Dinosaurs warn of mass extinction

    A DEVASTATING new mass extinction event has begun, according to… Continue Reading

    12th July 2015
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  • Love permitted

    LOVE has been permitted by a small group of rule… Continue Reading

    27th June 2015
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  • Money lenders lent money to repay money

    MONEY has been lent to money lenders to help them… Continue Reading

    21st June 2015
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  • Bombs we mustn’t use ‘must exist’

    HIGHLY powerful and lethiferous weapons that we must never deploy… Continue Reading

    14th June 2015
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